Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl

Those who can’t watch… do.

While re-reading the last post, I realized that I have now become one of those people who plays in a way that I am uncomfortable watching.

Let me be more specific.

I am extremely uncomfortable watching scenes where the bottom seems to honestly want the top to stop doing whatever they are doing, but I sometimes find it extraordinarily hot to bottom (or more accurately submit) to a scene where I am honestly begging my partner to stop.

Thus, a question of ethics:

Is it responsible for me to publicly participate in a scene that, as an observer, I would want to stop*?

I am frequently acutely aware of this problem as I am playing. I generally actively try to make it clear to my partner that, even as I am honestly asking them to stop doing what they are doing,  I am okay with them continuing. I tend to be even more conscious of this if there is an audience to our play that may, for one reason or another, have difficulty leaving (i.e. if I am playing in a large room at a party instead of off in a quiet corner.) I become concerned about causing dismay.

It is an awkward thing, playing in public in a way that I know would bother me to see. Part of it is also that, as a professional sex educator, I am extremely conscious of wanting to set a good example with how I play. It may be a little ridiculous, but if I’m going to do something that I wouldn’t necessarily want other people to emulate, I try to do it in private.

–

_{*Note: I do not try and stop these scenes when I see them. I just walk out of the room. I may, occaisionally, check in with the bottom afterward to make certain they are okay if they are a friend of mine… or with a friend of theirs to see if that is how they normally play, but mostly I just leave. I have trouble watching people suffering if I am not able to tell they are enjoying it. Particularly people I care about… even if I know they’re masochists. I tend to want to drag the top off of my friend and beat THEM. I am a violent soul, just not particularly a sadist.}