Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl

A few weeks ago, I was playing with someone who has negotiated that his primary partner needs to ask him before she’s allowed to have an orgasm. If she doesn’t… punishment.

I’d never played like that, and if you had asked me in advance it would not have been something I would have thought I would be particularly into.  I often have, after all, enough trouble having orgasms that I don’t really want to risk not having them when they seem to want to show up.

That night however, when he told me I had to ask for his permission to come, I discovered something fascinating. Asking helps.

Being told I had to ask for permission made orgasming substantially easier. It was like the responsibility for my pleasure had been taken completely off my shoulders. I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. Plus, having that intimate a decision under someone else’s control was incredibly hot.

Playing with one of my regular partners, more recently, in happily submissive headspace I found myself asking to orgasm - even though it was not something we’d negotiated or actually done before. He gave me permission, and *boom* I was  falling over the edge.

In my mind, t’s all about the control.

Sexual control, being told what to do, how to move, what is and is not allowed is incredibly hot for me. This is especially true since a lot of times I find sexual touch to be somewhat physically and emotionally overwhelming, and being told to take it makes that fact tolerable or even exciting. It makes it not about me.

I like it when it’s not about me.

I like it a lot.

–

There’s also something insanely hot about someone whispering forcefully  in your ear, “I want you to come for me. Now.” It may only work, for me, if I’m already close, but god… the thought of being punished for not being able to, if it’s framed in a way that doesn’t make me feel defective or like a failure, is kind of hot in itself.

It also helps, a lot, when it’s set up as “you’re not allowed to orgasm” without permission. That takes the pressure off and makes failure, if you can’t avoid it, kind of a win win. Well, at least if you’re me.