Totally Fucked

When my friend S. and I were waiting for the opening curtain of Spring Awakening the other week, she commented on the title of one of the songs.

“Totally Fucked?” she asked.
“I wonder if they mean in the good way or the bad way.” I responded, “Maybe both.”

For the record, the “Totally Fucked” in the title of this post is something I, unquestionably, mean in the good way. The very good way.

Penetration has always been something I enjoy, but over the past year or so it has grown increasingly high in my esteem. In particular, I am becoming rather dreadfully fond of fucking. I don’t know if it’s that I’ve been having more sex, that I’ve been having better sex*, or that I’ve finally embraced the goodness that is lube, but there have been a growing number of instances where fucking has turned me into a ball of happy glowing girl in a way that is normally reserved for other sensations… like pain, or my vibrator.

Still, I don’t want to write about fucking in general. I want to write about fucking in particular. Specifically, I want to write that I finally got to live out my very long held (and strangely, previously unfulfilled) desire to be fucked by a woman** with a strap-on. Totally and thoroughly fucked. Eyes rolled back in my head, verbally incoherent, I seem to be on Mars fucked(originating the quote in this post.) It was totally worth waiting for, even though I have no idea why I did (other than lack of opportunity.)

I have to say that I would be quite happy to be having a lot more sex with women. In addition to the fact that women are, well, women***. I really like penetration from the other side too. Fucking girls is fun, and hot, and inspiring. Plus, there’s a certain sort of Science!tific joy figuring out if the same things you love having done to you work as well on someone else. And of course, one can’t forget the sheer sensual bliss of just touching women, and playing with them, and … Yum. For some reason, sex with my most recent ex-girlfriend didn’t involve a lot of penetration, and that was just a shame.

Okay, who am I kidding. Realistically speaking, I would be quite happy to be having a lot more sex in general. Good sex makes me want more sex, and I’m hoping that, if things with  shmoopy man continue to progress in  a positive direction, more sex will be on the menu****. This whole “one weekend of debauchery every couple of months” thing is frustrating in the extreme.


* I recently had an experience that I mentally described as OMG PEN1S!!!! (
OMG PON1ES for reference) for the extent of joy that it induced in me. I do enjoy the sexual experiences that end with my lying on the bed, incapable of speech, thinking “If I died now, I would go happy.”
**A ridiculously beautiful, sexy, and silly woman who is way too much fun both in and out of bed, at that!
***and thus far more likely to be both shiny and possessed of great yumminess
****which is seeming more and more likely

 


Simple Redirect From Blogger to Wordpress

I’ve been looking for a simple way to redirect my Blogger posts to my self-hosted WordPress site, but none of the plugins or code worked. After 3 days of futzing I came up with the following solution. Place this code after your <Blogger> tag and switch the appropriate identification.


<b:widget id=’Redirector’ locked=’true’ title=’Blog Posts’ type=’Blog’>
<b:includable id=’main’>
<b:if cond=’data:blog.pageType == “item”‘>
<b:loop values=’data:posts’ var=’post’>
<div id=’redirectorTitle’ style=’visibility:hidden’><data:post.title/>
</div>
<script type=’text/javascript’>

var url= ‘<$BlogItemPermalinkUrl$>’;;
var myNewurl = url.replace(”myblog.blogspot”, “www.myblog”);
var testurl =’http://www.myblog.com/2008/12/blog-has-moved.html’;

if (myNewurl == testurl)
{document.location.href = “http://www.myblog.com”;}
else{
document.location.href = myNewurl;}
</script>
</b:loop>
</b:if>
</b:includable>
</b:widget>

Notes:

  • This assumes you are moving from myblog.blogspot.com to www.myblog.com

  • You must have structured your wordpress permalinks to match your blogger permalinks for this to work, which is easy enough to do in your wordpress dashboard.
  • The testurl variable will vary for you. The problem comes about because on your homepage the $BlogItemPermalinkUrl$ pulls the top post from the page rather than thinking you want the main page. Therefore, determine what the new version of that url will be and put it in here for your homepage to correctly route.

 


Sleep Deprived

My dream last night:

We have a mutually beneficial arrangement, my friend and I. It took a lot of discussion, before we got there, but we’ve firmly established that we can each be exactly what the other one wants and nothing more. In fact, we’ve figured out, quite conveniently, that our desires are so complimentary that in this one particular way it’s like we were meant for each other. He was looking for a girl who he can feel free to take whatever he wants from sexually, and I was looking for someone whose desires I was comfortable enough with that I could give him free rein to assume.

I like it when he assumes. He’s visiting from out of town, and when we get home from dinner, he walks up to me where I’m sitting on the couch and pulls his cock out for me to suck.

“Yes?” he says.

“I just need a condom,” I reply, and when he returns with one I happily take him into my mouth, sucking him deeply into my throat.
I love cock sucking. The feeling of his hand in my hair, the sound of him moaning, the sensations in my mouth and mind, it’s one of my favorite things. I’ve been wanting this since he stepped off the bus and into my car, but we don’t have the sort of relationship where I usually feel like I can ask. I like it better when he asks, anyway. It’s even better when it’s what he wants and what he decides to take.

This is why it’s so surprising to me to discover that I’ve fallen asleep sucking his cock and ended up face first on the floor.

“Rona?”

“I’m so sorry. It’s not that I’m not enjoying myself, but I was up talking to the guy I’m seeing until almost 3 a.m. I must be really tired.”

“Do you mind if I?”

I feel his fingers catch in the waistband of my underwear and start to drag them down my hips.

“I don’t seem to be awake enough to help you, but please, if you want to. Please do.”

All of a sudden I heard male voices talking. No one else was in the house, and I couldn’t figure out how I’d left the TV on and not noticed it before now. Still, that had to be it. I felt his hands move on my hips, positioning me and…

The doorbell rang. Waking me up.

I dragged myself out of bed to find two Jehovah’s Witnesses standing in the snow on my front porch.

“You did not just wake me up to proselytize me?!?!?!?!” I said.

They looked at me, with my hair in disarray, eyes still mostly closed and apologized.

“Have a nice day,” I said, and closed the door in their faces before heading back to bed.


That’s how I woke up this morning. Ripped from a really hot sex dream to answer the door for two Jehovah’s witnesses. I should have made the young one make it up to me. I should have brought him inside the house and said:

“You want to fill my mind with your words? Well first you have to fill my body with your cock. Proselytize all you want, but you ripped me away from a dream where I was about to get gloriously and thoroughly fucked and there’s a price you have to pay for that. You have to do it yourself.”

Instead, however, I simply went back to bed. I couldn’t sleep, though, with this dream, this ridiculous dream, filling my mind. I had to write it down before I forgot it, so that next time I speak to the friend who played such a featured role I could make him laugh and forget his troubles. I imagine the conversation will go something like this…

“That dream you posted in your sex blog was about me, wasn’t it?”

“Duh.”

“You dreamed you were so tired that you fell asleep sucking my cock?”

“Yes, and then you fucked me anyway, as I lay there too exhausted to think or move. It was really hot.”

“I should do that sometime.”

“Whenever you want.”

“Excellent. I think think this should be a plan.”

Hopefully if it does happen we won’t be interrupted by more Jehovah’s witnesses. Fuck it though. If we are, he can be the one who goes to answer the door.

 


Feel the Burn

My lips and face are feeling somewhat raw. This is the consequence, I suppose, of spending somewhere between 5 and 8 hours of a 17 hour date in an embrace. Kissing men is a hazardous occupation, after a while, because of the stubbly side effects of testosterone. Still, all in all, it is a price I am happy to pay. I like the reminder of all the hours of affection.

 


Welcome To My New Site

I’ve been redirecting from this URL for a while, but I decided to bite the bullet and finally actually port the full blog over to here - where it will remain. Installing wordpress was easy, but expect the appearance to change significantly over the next few weeks.  Any advice or suggestions are welcome.

 


Kitsune

The world outside my windows is white, everything buried under almost a foot of snow. Little splashes of color remain, the green of the pine tree grove, the blue back of a deck chair half buried under a drift, but overwhelmingly my world is crisp, and clean, and white. If I put my hand on the glass walls of my house, I can feel the cold seeping into my bones, but if I stand back it’s like a wonderland.

Yesterday, when I went outside, I saw strange prints on the driveway. I think they belong to my fox. It’s strange, this tendency to claim ownership of nature, but she does feel like she’s mine. She’s so beautiful, with her bright eyes and red fur, and I talk about her whenever I see her, and sometimes even if I don’t. I think about her, wandering in the snow, or curled up in a ball, tail wrapped warmly around her nose, and hope she’s found a place to shelter. I leave the gate open and put a blanket in the old doghouse just in case.

Sometimes I imagine meeting her. What would it be like to be the sort of person a fox finds fascinating? I was standing on the deck, this morning, staring up at the squirrels running mock battles in the trees when I noticed a flash of red across the snow. I turned my head and there she was. Time stopped, and I held my breath as our eyes caught and held. One moment passed. Two. And then a branch cracked under the weight of the heavy snow and she ran. I would have thought I dreamed it, except when I went to look there were three red hairs caught in another set of those same strange prints. I brought them inside and wrapped them in a piece of paper. Proof. No one ever believes me when I tell them about the fox.

Winter habits are winter comforts. I spend the afternoon cooking, baking, filling the house with the scents of cinnamon and nutmeg. I light a fire in the fireplace and curl up in front of it with a good book. The sounds outside are deadened by the snow and I feel like my world is wrapped in a blanket of cool, white, silence. I drift off into dreams lulled by the warmth and quiet found within its folds.

The doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone, and I rise to answer it in my winter uniform of mismatched pajama pants and warm fleece jacket, long hair rumpled from my impromptu nap beside the flames. At the door is a woman, of about my height, with no gloves on her pale white hands and no hat on her short red hair.

“Aren’t you freezing?” I ask her.

“I got lost on the road and saw your light,” she replies, “may I come in?”

“Of course. Come sit by the fire and warm up. Then I’ll help you get on your way.”

She curls up in a ball, like a cat, on the sofa next to the hearth and I bring her hot mulled cider from the stove.

We start to talk, about nothing of consequence, and keep talking for hours. Staring into her amber eyes, I forget that she’s a stranger. She begins to feel like an old friend.

I end up sitting at her feet, hands resting on her knee. I can’t not touch her with her right there next to me, warm and fascinating and real. I feel connected to her, enlivened by her presence, excited, and more alive in our little bubble of reality than I have in a long time. I don’t question the instant attachment. I just want to be by her side.

She touches my face with her hand. Time stops and I forget to breathe. In a moment of bravery, or perhaps insanity, I let how much I want her show within my eyes. She kisses me and I can’t move. Our lips, our tongues, and her hand on my face are all I feel for a moment that I wish could last for hours. Her hand twitches strangely and there is suddenly a sharp pain in my cheek.

When she pulls back there is a drop of blood on her finger, “Sorry, I lost control,” she says, and puts it in her mouth to suck.

I stare up at her, eyes wide, mouth open, and can’t find any words to ask for what I want. She kisses me again and I taste the salty iron tang of my own blood on her tongue. It makes me gasp into her mouth.

She flows off the couch, and pins me to the ground, her weight firmly on my hips, both my wrists grasped in one of her hands. She leans down and with her pink, pointed tongue licks the cut she made on my cheek. It stings.

I gasp and my hips buck beneath her.

“You like that?”

“Yes.”

She lowers her body onto mine, pressing me into the ground with her weight until I can barely breathe. She’s so warm. She feels like she’s hotter than the fire. My head starts to swim.

Just as I’m about to pass out she rolls off me onto her side, her back leaning up against the couch.

“Don’t go,” I beg, and she pulls me back against her, one hand recapturing my wrists and her strong legs imprisoning my lower body.

With her free hand, she unzips my fleece jacket. I’m wearing nothing underneath. She grabs my wrists harder and then runs one sharp black nail down the center of my sternum. I can feel it scraping me, like a knife. I arch my back to press into her hand, and feel the warm, wet sensation of blood as her nail breaks my skin.

It makes me shiver and press back against her warmth. I can feel her breath against my ear as she begins to play with my breasts. It’s like she’s exploring. Her hand traces the shape of my bosom, she cups my right breast in her hand and sees how it can move. Then her fingers start to grab, slowly building pressure until I moan and then further until right before the point where I’m almost willing to ask her to stop.

After that it’s back to those strange sharp nails, tracing along my ribcage, flicking sharply across my nipples, until I’m writhing in the cage of her limbs. She pinches my nipples so hard that I gasp, and doesn’t let go, simply increasing the pressure until I’m whimpering and her hand is too tired to hold. She continues until my breasts are so sore that even the brush of her fingers against them makes me shiver, and then her nails move down to my belly.

As her fingers pause there, grabbing deep into the skin, where tomorrow I will find crescent shaped scabs and a deep lingering ache in the muscles of my abdomen, I hear her mutter something that sounds like “Not pray,” and her teeth briefly bite deep into my neck to echo the sensation of her hand. She mutters it again and moves her hand lower under the waistline of my pants, pushing them down and then pulling them the rest of the way off with her legs before using them to recapture my own.

I feel her fingers between my legs, exploring again, and it makes me writhe. Her nails trace the line of my outer lips and then one pushes sharply against the base of my clitoris and I scream and try to jerk away. She holds my wrists more tightly and uses her legs to separate my own and then she flicks her nail slowly in the same place to see if she gets the same effect before returning to her explorations.

I’m breathing hard as her fingers move lower and discover wetness. She slips one inside me, and then two, and I can feel her investigating the space inside me, pushing with her fingers, and scraping with her nails until I scream. It feels like her hand moves inside me and over me for hours until what started out as pleasure becomes pain and what should be agonizing is inducing wave after wave of bliss.

When she lets me go, I pounce. I kiss her, like I would devour her, and start to unbutton her blouse. She has beautiful breasts, so different than mine, and I stroke my fingers over them gently where they swell above her bra. When she unclasps it for me I draw first one and then the other nipple deep into my mouth.

I love touching her. I spend ages exploring the hollows of her neck with my tongue, although she stops me at the sensation of my teeth against her skin, flipping us over, pinning me with her own teeth to my throat and holding me there until I stop fighting, before releasing me and saying “Not that.”

I remove the rest of her clothes and play gently along the curve of her hipbone, her knee, with my fingers and my tongue. When I feel between her legs, she’s wet, so wet, and I play with her dampness, moving it up to tease her clit, running my fingers in the warm space between her inner and outer lips until she quietly squirms. I slip one finger inside her and then two and stroke gently. I love how it feels having my fingers inside another woman. I love the warmth, and the textures, and the way she moves. I love to play, and see what I can do to her body, see if I can make her react. I love to explore and look for the routes and pathways of her pleasure, and feel the honor of being allowed inside her with my hands and my tongue.

She lets me touch her for hours, and eventually we fall asleep in front of the fire wrapped in each other, happy and warm.

When I wake the next day she’s disappeared. When I open the door to see if I can determine where she’s gone there are no footsteps in the snow, and I would wonder if I imagined the whole thing if it weren’t for the delicious ache in my lower body and the soreness in my breasts. I look closer and see paw prints in the snow, and when I turn back to the fire I see three short red hairs lying on the pillow we pulled from the couch.

I wrap them in a piece of paper to remember her by. I put it next to the identical packet where it lies next to my bed.

It wasn’t “pray” she muttered into my ear, her hand gripping deep into my belly, but “prey.”

Maybe I’ll see her again one day.

My beautiful huntress.

My fox.

Happy Holidays.

 


Be Bold…

I wonder if it falls under the category of “too bold” to answer the question “What would you like to do on our date on Wednesday?” with “Have sex.” Not that I don’t enjoy the other aspects of dating, the having of conversations, the playing of music, the hanging of out, but if I had all of those things AND the sweaty naked time, that would be the cat’s pajamas.

 


Shmoop

5 Comments | Uncategorized Tags:,

It’s fun to be the couple kissing on the subway. I don’t know if I’ve ever been that girl before, kissing and laughing with my arms around a man like we’re the only two real people standing in an insubstantial crowd.

Fourth date. Fourth good date, and I’m getting comfortable enough with him, with this, that I know there will be a fifth, and probably quite a few more. I like that feeling. I like how safe it feels when you’re spending time with someone who is enthusiastic about the fact they want to spend time with you.

I started out the night still nervous, still worried about touching him too much and moving too fast, but he made it easy. When we left the theater he put his arm around my waist. Later I reached out and held his hand.

Instead of running for the bus, I went entirely in the wrong direction to spend a little more time with him and told him it was worth it. I sat too close on the subway, my hand on his arm and his on my knee and told myself that if we do this again, meet in the city, I will drive across the river and take the train from there so that we can have that extra time together before he has to go on his way and I on mine.

He walked me to my last train and against all good judgment stepped into the car with me and kissed me like we were already in bed, naked, passionate, fucking. He left and I felt the strange rawness on my cheek, my lip, that I get when kissing a man late at night, too many hours after he’s shaved. The train doors closed and I sat eyes open and grinned. He makes me smile.

I am drunk on shmoop, and as I sit on the bus and write this post on my phone it beeps to tell me that he’s sent me an e-mail… because he is too.

 


Melange a Trois Part 1: Because the Sublime Naturally Leads To The Ridiculous…

6 Comments | Uncategorized Tags:

As I have mentioned before, I enjoy being in bed with more than one person at once. Aside from the obvious (more shiny! more hands! more teeth! more mean! more nice! more opportunities to see people you like being really really happy! more fun!), having more than two people in the bed leads to opportunities to be helpful. I love being helpful. It also leads, on occasion, to one of my absolute favorite things in the universe - ridiculous quotes. Case in point:

“Hey! You’re bogarting the vagina!*”
… a quote which would go at the top of my “things I never thought I’d hear/say” list for the week had I not just had to say “Jesus! Does he speak Swedish?” in an Irish accent for an audition.

Now some people might say that ridiculous quotes have no place in a serious sexual encounter. I say to those people, “go sleep with someone else!” I like a big heaping dose of silly with my sex. If I end up falling off the bed from hysterical laughter or forgetting how to breathe then I’m a happy, happy girl.


*To quote Karen Walker - “It’s funny because it’s true!”

 


Warning

    Content in this blog is not suitable for minors
Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store