Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl

So, I’m seeing this woman for the second time later this week, and I still have no idea if I’m Seeing her, with a capital S, or seeing her, with a lower case s.

Now, the sensible thing to do would be to say to her something along the lines of “I think you’re very spiffy, do you like girls?”* Therefore, clearly, I can’t do that. Sensible is, after all, what other people do. I pride myself in my ability to make things needlessly complex!

I’m very bad at negotiating attraction with women outside of scene spaces. I managed to throw myself at my most recent ex-girlfriend solely because we were at a play party and, after talking to her for several hours and finding her Delightfully Charming and Adorable, I realized I could offer myself to her as a training bottom… and then request the kissing.

In general, when it comes to dating women, if they’re not forward nothing ever happens. In the past year I have had discussions with two former significant girl-crushes where, in both cases, both of us thought the other one wasn’t interested. I may think I’m being extremely clear with the flirtation, but I’m usually completely wrong.

Anyway, since I think this woman is quite spiffy, and would like to snog her and, perhaps, have some Hot Lesbian Sex and maybe even Toasty Lesbian Dating, I have done the following ridiculous things to attempt to discover if her sexual orientation is anything other than hetero (something I feel I should do before making an attempt to clarify whether or not these outings are dates):

1. Described our first outing in detail to one of the lesbians I keep on retainer, including all possible signs of non-heterosexuality, for a professional interpretation.
2. Showed her picture to said lesbian, and her girlfriend, to see if their gaydar had more of a clue than I did. (One voted yes, the other abstained)
3. Googled her to see if she had published any academic work on queer issues (not impossible considering her field.)
4. Googled myself to see what the result of a similar query on me would be if, for instance, she was curious about whether or not I was into girls.**
5. Had a discussion with another queer academic about the fact that not all queer academics advertise their sexual orientation by publishing on queer issues… and that not all academics who publish on queer issues are queer.
6. Rationalized with myself that most of the time when I hit it off with attractive women I don’t start thinking about them in terms of possible sexual interest so, perhaps, the fact that my instinctive response to her from the moment we met was *ZING* should be a sign.
7. Stared at her fingernails.

I have not done any of the following:

1. Made it clear that I find her attractive as well as interesting by saying so in a way that can not be misinterpreted.
2. Made my own sexual orientation clear by somehow working an ex-girlfriend into the conversation at a relavent moment.
3. Just asked her.

Having established that three is out of the question, because it would make too much sense, and that one is far too bold for my to get away with sober***, I’m stuck with two. I can probably manage two. However, I thought that with this lovely audience I have here on this blog I could also do something Bold and Innovative. I could ask ALL OF YOU for other ridiculous things that I could do to attempt to determine her sexual orientation. Extra points for suggestions that are both practical and manage to make me snort whatever liquid I am drinking at the time I read them

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*Only phrased less like something that would come out of a 5th grader.
**Googling my real name along with “lesbian” or “bisexual” would make it clear, on close inspection, that I am interested in girls and, on a more superficial glance, that I am at least open-minded about queer issues.
***I.e. not high on other people’s energy or endorphins. I don’t drink all that much, but I get far bolder when someone has been beating me or when I’m around happy hyper people.