Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl

for today I am awash in temptation.

It all started with an e-mail suggesting that the long-awaited-date might actually happen this weekend, which got me thinking fond thoughts about the possibility of snogging, and then I got the second e-mail - the dangerous one.

Actually, no, the second e-mail wasn’t dangerous, it was just tempting. The possibility of singletails with one of my favorite play partners was mentioned. The proposed timing was problematic, but I spent the entire day thinking about the whip slicing up my skin. It was making it very difficult to get work done. I kept spacing out at the prospect and getting progressively more turned on. Which I decided he should know. It’s nice, I believe, to inform people when their e-mails have such a stimulating effect. So I sent him an e-mail blaming his invitation for my lack of productivity, and I got back the third e-mail. It said, and I quote…

“Blame me all you want. Just figure out a way to get your naked flesh in front of my whip. “

E-mails like that tend to make my clothing fall off*. It made me suddenly extremely sad to have to go to rehearsal tonight and even more sad that there was no way that I could manage to pull it off for at least 48 hours.

I’ve been musing about what exactly it was in the phrasing of that message that was so profoundly arousing. I think it was two things. The first was the “Just figure it out,” the assumption that I’m going to find a way to make it happen. The second was the phrase “naked flesh,” which is so… deliciously depersonalizing. Those are two very complementary buttons.

I’ve got to get it together. I keep zoning out into daydreams which are only increasing my desire for someone to hurt me right now, and since that’s not going to happen I need to go do something distracting. Possibly work on my inability to do pull-ups without letting myself think about how delicious they’d feel with singletail marks strewn across my back.

On second thought, maybe that’s not the best idea…

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*Well, e-mails like that from specific people.