Hot or Not…
I always find it interesting when the universe gives me a graphic demonstration of the fact that many of the things I fantasize about make me say “Fuck no! Get that thing the hell away from me”* when they happen in real life.
This current logical inconsistency is brought to you by the fact that when I read the most recent Sugasm I got all hot and bothered** over the fucking machines review and site. Fucking machines, on the other side of a computer monitor, are an enormous turn on for me. They push all my “sex against my will***” buttons, with an overtone of sexy impersonal robotic goodness.
I have these fantasies about being kidnapped and drugged and waking up bound to one of those horribly implacable metal machines and being fucked until I scream, hating it and wanting it all at once. It’s one step beyond the fantasy of just being treated as a piece of meat, something to be used for someone else’s pleasure. What could be more degrading than being nothing more than a receptacle for the meaningless spinning of mechanical gears? A person might give in to an attack of conscience , but a machine does exactly what its programmer wants, no mercy, no worry, and no relief. I could beg all I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter in the least.
So the other night when I was reading about various fucking machines, and fantasizing about them, I was somewhat surprised to remember that a few weeks ago someone brandished one at me and I responded, without hesitation “Fuck no! Get that thing the hell away from me.” Then I remembered that that was the second time I had had that reaction… and yet the fantasy persists.
I think a great deal of it has to do that I have very different standards for who I do sexual play with than I do for other types of play. In neither case, was the person with the machine someone who I thought of in that way (although the first time I played with one of people in question, by the time we stopped playing… well lets just say that had he had the machine there he probably could have convinced me, since I was a little Rona shaped puddle of pain and arousal.) Plus, I honestly don’t think it’s ever going to be something that if I am asked, “Do you want to do this?” I’m going to say yes to.
On the other hand… I rather suspect it falls into the insanely hot subcategory of the “You’re going to have to make me” things. Because, although I don’t think it’s ever going to be something that I’m going to admit I want, in the context of a relationship where I had already agreed that things sexual were on the table, where I had negotiated permission for someone to treat me as a sexual object for their own pleasure and release, had even begged for a lack of regard for my own desires, if it was something my partner desired I think my response would be quite different.
No. That’s wrong. I think my response would be exactly the same.
“Fuck No,” I’d say, “Get that thing the hell away from me,” and I rather believe I’d mean it.
But I imagine I’d be horribly disappointed if they didn’t do it anyway.
–
* I believe that is an exact quote.
** It didn’t help that I had only slightly earlier gotten an instant message that started with the phrase “OK, now I have bad thoughts of molesting you and forcing you to do things…” a statement which, for the record, when coming from a person who would and has permission makes every nerve cell in my body sit up and beg. Even after the rest of the statement turned out to be eye-rollingly awful, I went to sleep fantasizing about it last night****. Tease. Cruel, fucking tease…. Um. Which is to say that I was kind of primed when the website showed up on my radar. Yes. That’s where I was going with this footnote.
**Margaret Atwood wrote an absolutely fabulous essay on rape fantasies, which everyone should read.
**** If I’m still this horny after finishing this post, I may end up writing that next. And yes, I just footnoted a footnote. I live dangerously and NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME
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on December 27th, 2007 at 6:28 am
…where I had negotiated permission for someone to treat me as a sexual object for their own pleasure and release…
It is an interesting phenomenon in itself to be forced to experience pleasure as an expression of someone else’s desire. A large part of male-centric pornography seems to treat women in this way (fucking machines is a great example of such porn), and yet in the femdom world, the reverse is true: the denial of pleasure is the most common form.
In.Ter.Es.Ting.
on December 27th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Huh.
I’d never thought about it that way.
HUH.
There is a core of something in there that really needs to be teased out and examined under a sociologists microscope when it’s not 7 o’clock in the morning.
I wonder how much that divide is cultural and how much of it is biological. It’s certainly, from a purely mechanical standpoint, easier to deny orgasms for men than it is for women while still making use of their body in a traditional sense.
What’s the dynamic in gay male D/s porn? I think knowing that would add a lot to my ability to attempt some sort of coherent analysis, and I don’t.
on December 27th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Gay porn is far more healthily balanced. In many instances it depends on the type of porn or play; puppy boys are often locked and kept denied with the use of chastity devices (they are “fixed”), but much of the rest of the gay world, from my understanding, is far more personally swayed in one direction or the other depending on their own kinks. There is far more talk of “forced milkings” in many instances, fantasies of being “drained dry” and so on that are far rarer in the straight BDSM world.
In other words, it was interesting to me because I believe it to be largely influenced by culture. I have some friends, both male and female, who would define kink almost purely by their enjoyment of sexual denial of the female orgasm. This is not a biological stance.
on December 27th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
*nod*
I think I don’t fantasize about orgasm denial, because fantasies, for me are usually masturbatory fantasies, for which the goal is orgasm. I don’t fantasize about it in the more “goal of getting to play with” sense, because I suspect I’d be really really bad at it. The times its been played with, with me, on a limited scale have been pretty amazing, since not being allowed to orgasm intensifies even the tiniest sensations… but I’m bad at orgasm control. I can’t always keep them from happening, if instructed, and I’m equally bad at letting them happen under pressure. And having to think about it, or worry “will I be able to give this to someone” has been known to inordinately stress me out. Which takes us back to your initial point…
I think there’s a _big_ difference between forced orgasm/pleasure fantasies and sex toy fantasies that don’t necessarily involve either forced orgasm or orgasm denial. My sexual objectification fantasies are largely orgasm-neutral. The non-machine based fantasies tend to be specifically about getting other people off irregardless of my specific physical pleasure (I had to refine that sentence since “enjoyment” is the wrong word. I enjoy being used for someone else’s pleasure whether or not there is physical stimulation for me involved or not).
But I do think you make a good point about the cultural context, although (as with many things) I think there’s more variety on this point in female-submissive porn than in male-submissive porn (I have to take your word on this, since I don’t really read much of it.) I’ve read a lot of orgasm-denial erotica as well as forced-pleasure/forced-use erotica. I don’t know which is actually more common on my shelves (which are a good mix of lesbian and heterosexual - probably messing up the statistics more than a little)
On an only loosely related note… did I hallucinate a conversation about some idiot saying “no women really enjoy sucking cock”? I feel like it came up briefly when we were all out last week, but now I’m not sure if I dreamed it, read it somewhere, or what.
on December 29th, 2007 at 10:28 am
Your ability to openly record your future dooms boggles my mind, my dearest.
on December 29th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
I would like to point out that at the moment I am perfectly safe, because you and I have not negotiated that sort of a relationship…
Somehow that’s not as reassuring as it should be
Also, you should see my arm. It’s still pretty damn ugly. *beam*
on April 12th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
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