Secret Confessions of a Smart Girl

I started thinking about this when I was writing my piece for last night, because I don’t like to “Sir,” someone without explicit permission. It seems extraordinarily rude to presume a relationship/intention that may or may not exist. Most of the time, it’s not an issue. When I’m bottoming, it’s frequently just fun playtime with friends - no clear power dynamic exists. But even when the play is submissive, I will not presume a form of address I have not been permitted. I’ll default to full names, or “as you wish,” or some other type of respectful response, but not “Sir” or “Ma’am,” “Master*” or “Mistress.” Not without being asked, or asking myself. It tends to come out “What is your preferred form of address in this context?” since submissive defaults to formal in my brain, but I believe I recently said, “If you’re going to keep saying things like that, I’m going to want to call you ‘Sir.’”

I do like a good power dynamic. I have a weakness for justifiably arrogant men, and individuals of both sexes who exude contained power and control. Many many years ago, in an uncharacteristic moment of impulsive recklessness I followed a strange man back to his hotel room. He had done a BDSM demo at a con I was attending, and he was beautiful. Leonine in appearance and movement, something about him hit me like a punch in the gut - taking away both my breath and good sense. I don’t remember much about what happened that night, other than being thrown into subspace at warp 7, and the instantaneous arousal that accompanied the sound of his voice saying “I think it would be appropriate if you called me Sir.”

*Fortunately this has never been the preferred form of address for anyone who I’ve played with, because it would take a lot of self control to get it out with a straight face. My eyes roll and I start doing a Renfield impersonation just thinking about it. Oddly enough, “Mistress” doesn’t cause the same problem.